Why I Loved Hitting Rock Bottom
Disclaimer: I have never shared something so personal on this blog. Please handle with care 🙂 Elisa
Hitting rock bottom can mean different things to people. For someone it could be going through a divorce, for someone else it could be living out of a car for two years, or getting cancer.
I’m not going to peruse what bottom is deeper, and I don’t want you to do it either. This is not a competition. Whatever felt like your lowest point in your life until now, that’s your rock bottom. If you feel you hadn’t hit it, so much the better: you don’t need to hit rock bottom to fly high 🙂
For me, it was never about finances or lack of a place to call home. I was always lucky to have a safety net, so the lowest point in my life wasn’t really about money or a house to live in.
Three years ago, I moved to London with a friend of mine: I worked as costume designer assistant and she was a makeup artist. We worked together for one year and we were burned out by that job to say the least. I worked very long hours, I was doing the job of three people by myself and I commuted two hours and more every day. To the eyes of family and friends, I had the perfect life: I was just 24 and I earned more than them. Yet there was something wrong, I had to do something else before settling in that kind of life.
Me and my colleague planned our “escape to the UK” during lunch breaks, and we eventually moved to London together. We moved apart after just 3 months, and she moved back to Italy a few months later.
I went through all the hardships you go through as an expat in a country with a foreign language and different rules. I worked as a shop assistant, as a barmaid and I eventually even managed to work as costume designer and costume designer assistant for a couple of projects.
I was living with a very few money and a great deal of solitude. But that period of solitude still didn’t feel like rock bottom. Yes, I spent two months after my 25th birthday locked in my room wondering what the hell was I even doing with my life, but I was still pretty much ok.
Eventually, my solitude got better: another friend of mine moved to London and we lived together for another year.
Hitting Rock Bottom
I was working on a movie in London when I received a message from my boyfriend: “I can’t talk now, speak tomorrow”. I didn’t realize I hadn’t heard from him from the night before because I was working so many hours. As the universe had it, my iPhone was broken and I was using an old phone with no Whatsapp or Internet so I wasn’t really able to communicate that often. I received that SMS and I thought it was nothing to worry about.
I didn’t hear from him the day after either. That night I received a call from his mother telling me he had been arrested the night before.
What the fuck?
That’s when I started questioning everything and everyone in my life. I lost faith and trust. I was 1500 km far from the person I wanted to spend my life with, and I was only able to speak with him through handwritten letters.
Yet that still didn’t feel like rock bottom for me.
After 5 months I decided to head back to my country of origin as I was permitted to visit him once a week.
The moment I boarded the plane heading back to my hometown, that’s when I hit rock bottom.
It all came crashing around me. I didn’t know what the hell was I going to do back home, I didn’t see any future and I didn’t know what was going to happen to my relationship. All these things suddenly became real.
Living abroad somehow made it less real, more bearable.
I had to move back with my parents. I had to visit that horrible jail once a week knowing I couldn’t do much to help him. I had no job, a few money left and no idea on what to do next. I had all the time in the world to start a new project, write my blog, create something but I was literally empty, or emptied.
That’s when I found a book about the Law of Attraction. I had never came across something like that ever. I know it might sound impossible now because LoA is literally everywhere, but consider this was 2 years ago. And I’m the girl who started reading Harry Potter from the 4th book because I had no idea who Harry Potter was or that there was such a thing as a Harry Potter book saga. (Yes, I can live under a rock or as I prefer saying, up on a cloud sometimes.)
You know what they say, hitting bottom only means you can bounce back higher. When you are down there, there’s only one way to go.
I was never a religious let alone spiritual being, but I decided to take the path of faith in the Universe. Instead of looking outside, I’ve started an inward journey. Needless to say, it was my best decision ever.
Now I’m thankful for everything that happened in my life up until now, even for the hardest times. Hadn’t I gone through those ugly times I wouldn’t be where I’m at today.
The Present Moment
Where am I at now? I am in the present moment. I know, you’ve already heard it a zillion times before. But it’s the truth. I am now living like now it’s the best moment I’ll ever have, because it is. It’s the only time I have.
I’ve always had the tendency at making decisions on the base of what made me feel better, and I was always told it was wrong. Turns out it wasn’t. That’s what I do now, and my life flows effortlessly.
But I want you to understand my journey better so I’ll bring this abstract concept back to the real stuff.
I really loved my boyfriend back at the time but I think that our relationship was keeping me stuck in an energetic rut. Nothing was evolving in my life as I kept going back in circles. He was eventually put on house confinement and I moved in with him. We broke up after 4 months. We were together for 4 years including a whole year where iron bars were between us. Crazy, right?
As soon as we broke up I felt like a whirlwind of energy flowing around me. I was pondering about getting in Belinda Davidson’s course for a while at that point, and I enrolled that same night. I just had enough money to pay for the first rate and I had no idea on how to pay for the rest. After a week, a job literally landed in my inbox. An online retailer wanted me to write their blog. I suddenly had a full-time from home job that paid me well, out of nowhere! I got back into occasionally working in costume design. And I suddenly had the money to pay for my course, too.
I also started practising yoga in that very same month, and I’m so grateful for it. How I found my yoga teacher and how I started practising it’s a story for a whole other post.
Are you wondering what happened to my love life? I met someone special of course. When people tell you that things will eventually fall into place they’re not telling lies. It really does happen.
What can you take from my story? Sometimes you just have to get over the hardest thing in your life, and the rest will start flowing. You just have to make that decision you’ve been dreading for so long. That’s what is keeping you stuck there. That’s what is keeping you unhappy.
Now I’m over one year into meditation and I left my full-time job to be my own boss. I am writing my first book. I have stepped fully into a healthy and cruelty-free lifestyle. It was time to step up my game. I still practice yoga 3 times a week, I meditate daily and I’m more into self-development than ever. But most of all, I’m happy.
Maybe my life doesn’t look perfect to you, but it’s finally perfect for me. I feel like I’m always evolving, learning, taking a step further. I don’t feel stuck anymore. I have so many goals I’m working towards, and I actually feel them coming closer. That’s what being in the moment feels like. It doesn’t mean you don’t care about what will come next, or that you just do what makes you feel good right now.
It means you fully accept where you are now while you’re working on something that will take you to the next place.
These are some of the places I got to visit thanks to all that happened to me in the previous year:
These are some of the projects I got to work on thanks to the fact I didn’t have a full-time job so I had time to commit:
I sincerely hope you enjoyed this post and that it showed you that hitting rock bottom it’s not the end. It’s most likely the beginning. Would you like to know more about my spiritual journey, my yoga discovery, my experience with the School of the Modern Mystics? Let me know in a comment below. I’d love to hear from you, wherever you’re at in your journey. (Because that’s exactly where you’re supposed to be, and it will get better. Trust me!)
About the Author
Hey, it's Elisa, founder of styleonvega.com. I'm a social media strategist & consultant by day and blogger by night (honing my multitasking skills since 2006 ;). I'm an atypical Italian, freedom lifestyle advocate and modern spirituality enthusiast. Feel like we could get along? Join me just above this box or get in touch with me on Facebook or Twitter.